CHEW & SPEW By Craig Hannan, SASR
When posted from 8/9 RAR to SASR I rode from Brisbane to Perth – a four-day ride. I ate nothing but junk food until Southern Cross. I stopped and ate my only real meal, a real nice steak dinner with salad and chips, I went to pay and the girl gave me too much change so I gave her the twenty extra back.
I went and lay down beside the bike for a bit of a sleep till the sun had gone down. I got up about 21:00 and rode off. I had to report no later than the next day at SASR. Riding along at 180 kmh, there was just a little dip in the road, just enough to give that rollercoaster feeling. Well, I shit myself and threw up at the same time. I couldn’t see and was still chucking so I slammed on the anchors. Fortunately, it was a straight bit of road and I slowed a fair bit before hitting the dirt on the side of the road. I lost it and laid it down.
I managed to get my riding strides off and my jeans and just lay on the side of the road all night, throwing up and shitting myself. Not one vehicle stopped to see if I was okay, though I guess a guy with no pants, on his knees vomiting and pissing out his arse at the same time was not a good indicator
The next morning I tossed my jeans, tried cleaning up with a glossy road map but it wasn’t good. I rode to the next town, walked in to a petrol station and asked for the key to the dunny. He took one sniff and tossed the key at me – humourless bastard.
I arrived at SASR and walked into the guard room to report. The Duty Officer greeted me and started to ask me the usual questions. He took a couple of quick steps backward, demanding to know what the stink was. So I proceeded to explain but got caught short again with no time to get to the shitter so I just let it go. They pissed themselves. He tossed me the book to sign in, tossed me a map and told me to fuck off to the lines. Memories – some good, some suck! Lol.