HAND CREAM By Peter Eisen 2 Pl A Coy 4 RAR

We were at Canungra for our J training sometime in 2000. We were out in the J and I was placed on sentry duty. The 2IC took me approx 50 m out of the harbour and found a spot next to a log to sit on, then he buggered off back to the platoon. The training was coming to an end and we knew that the enemy party had already left. By this stage we had spent a bit of time out bush so I was feeling a bit antsy and seeing as I knew there was little chance of being interrupted, I decided to have a bush wank. After relieving myself onto the log I then sat back, relaxed and enjoyed the sounds of the J. An hour or so later the 2IC brought a dig out to take over and before I could say anything the dig sat square on my load. I made my way back to my pit while the 2IC briefed him on his duties. Back at my pit I informed my oppo of what had just transpired. Needless to say, we thought it was a great joke. Not five minutes later the 2IC turned up at my pit, knelt down and asked me if I’d had some sort of hand cream or moisturiser with me out on sentry. Both myself and my oppo couldn’t contain ourselves and started giggling like schoolgirls. The 2IC’s next words were “You dirty bastard” and with a smirk he left. Next thing, I was called up to my section commander’s pit to be reprimanded. He explained that had I left anything else – biscuit crumbs, rubbish or anything else, he would have charged me for leaving sign, but he said, ‘”I’ll be fucked if I’m going to front the OC with a charge like that, so fuck off.” He said all this with a straight face but the other secos behind him were giggling like schoolgirls too.

The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.

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