HUNGRY JACKS By Matt Austin, 7 & 8 Plt, C Coy 5/7 RAR

Matt Austin and Dean West and the Kings Cross massacre.
On a Sunday night in October ’95, Westy and I decided to get some
food from Hungry Jacks in Kings Cross. We’d been to Jason Kieghtly’s wedding the night before and were still on the piss. Whilst waiting at the counter for our bags of cholesterol and bums ‘n’ tongues, a small Asian fella dressed like a negro pimp from the 70s slid aside Dean. The next thing I saw was this Asian fella with a red and yellow straw sticking out of his left eye – accidentally inserted by Westy. The midget pimp ran off to get his mates to kick the shit out of us. I was thinking about my eulogy and Westy wanted a fucken hotdog! Anyway, moments later up the road in front of the Pussycat we were surrounded by a dozen Bruce Lee stunt doubles beating on me and Westy and we were doing okay! Until one mini Manchurian picked up a glass bottle and had a go at Westy. So Dean picked up a bottle and went to break it too. But it went ‘Poing’ and flew through the air. It was fucking plastic! I didn’t know what to do – laugh or shit my pants. The fight was getting nastier and we were in trouble. I looked over and Dean had knocked out two Jackie Chans. I was being kicked in the head and guts by a Fex Ramalamb Dingdongs when all of a sudden the bouncers from the Pussycat saved us. They told us to get the fuck outta there or we were gonna get knifed. I agreed and wanted a cup of tea, ’cos I’m a gentleman and don’t condone violence. But no, Westy wanted some more – all you can fight for five bucks! I finally convinced him to get in a cab and live. What I’m trying to say is… don’t go to Hungry Jacks! It may kill you!
The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

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