WELL, I’LL BE STUMPED By Darren Townsend, 5/7 RAR

Sitting on the border at Batugade doing IDP security, someone shot a round or two over all our heads, so 32C 8 Pl C Coy 5/7 RAR were ordered to track down this heathen. We decided to split the section from the M113 and take it from two sides, while the boys on foot headed off in a southerly direction. The crew commander and I were to drive around the road and find a way to get to the RV for pick-up, while indirectly scare the hoodlum from flanking or hoofing it out behind us. Anyway, after we left the road and dodged some trees and creek lines, we headed into this grassy clearing, paying attention to the stump in the middle. After a couple of minutes of trying to traverse some hard terrain, we decided to head back and find another way round. So off I went, locking on the left stick, hitting the gas and u-bolting it back through the grass, straight up onto the stump and stopped dead. We were raised six inches off the ground, with the track dangling off the road wheels. To add salt to the wound, the foot patrol had to angrily hike another couple of kilometres to get to us. On top of that, if anyone was watching, they would have been wetting themselves, seeing me doing 360s on top of this stump in both directions.
In the end, we had to radio back this: 3 zero 32c over/ go ahead 32c/ 32c requests recovery vehicle over/ 3 zero what for? Over.
In a pissed voice: 32c call sign Townsend has got us stuck on a bloody stump! Over.
You know how it goes when ya win the Darwin Award of the month. I got a mouthful from the foot patrol and I got taken the piss out of.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

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